Made another video because another incident happened on my prior video that showed, once more, that Lesbians cannot trust het/bi women & that they are not our allies. I explain in the video.
Made another video because another incident happened on my prior video that showed, once more, that Lesbians cannot trust het/bi women & that they are not our allies. I explain in the video.
I know that I have talked and blogged about lesbophobia before, but it feels like it’s getting worse, not better! Over the past few months, I have come to the hard realization that there is a LOT of lesbophobia in radical feminist communities & that heterosexual & bisexual women are not Lesbians’ allies.
The following is a post by my friend, Elizabeth Robertson. I loved her post so much that I asked her if I could publish it here as a guest post. Thankfully, she agreed.
Every few months the whole “SOME radical feminists want to slaughter male babies” fight does the rounds. You could almost set your clock to it. Everyone knows who is meant when this old chestnut is trotted out for a good old lesbian bashing session that so many male partnered women (funny that) like to engage in.
This narrative of lesbians wanting to kill infant males is to lesbophobic bi/het rad fems what “The Protocols of The Learned Elders of Zion” is to anti-Semites. It’s conspiracy theory.
Instead of “The Jews will steal your Christian children and use their blood for their Matzo bread” it’s “The Lesbian Radical Feminists will steal your infant sons and murder them”. The people spreading this myth may not refer to lesbians directly, but it’s often implied even if it’s not outright stated.
Most het/bi female on lesbian aggression is sly and understated given that overt “I’ll knock your teeth out” aggression shows up the lie that is the performance of femininity. Not that physical aggression is unknown, but is generally carried out by a man for the het/bi woman after she successfully manipulates her husband/brother/son/male family member to bully or attack the lesbian she has an issue with.
It’s the same old lesbian hating heterosexual female fear mongering that goes on because het women bring their patriarchal imperative to hate lesbians into radical feminism. It’s a fable that heterosexual women tell each other when they’re uncomfortable with anger being expressed against males in general. It dusted off whenever any woman asserts their bodily autonomy, whenever they decide that they, and they alone, have the right to refuse to bring more males into the world or into her home. They trot this story out as a “cautionary tale”.
Most of the time a woman will earnestly tell you that a woman advocated for the wholesale slaughter of male toddlers. But she doesn’t know where she saw it, who said it, no screenshots. BUT SHE’S SURE SHE SAW IT. These women can never come up with proof.
Just saying that a woman has the right to not bring a male into the world is enough to set some women off. A woman saying she has a right to not produce males is often misrepresented as being a “male toddler killer”. Statistically, after men, the biggest killer of male toddlers is the toddlers own mother. So if you really want to go after those who kill male infants maybe have a look at the factors that result in a minority of het/bi mothers murdering their infant male offspring. The answer to male infanticide in general is a problem with heterosexual culture, not any area of lesbian culture.
There is a sex based genocide going on, but it’s certainly not being perpetrated by the female subclass of lesbians, it’s being perpetrated by the class of heterosexual men. So if a male partnered woman wants to talk about infants murdered on the basis of their biological sex she might want to talk to her hubby. Because hubby is part of the class that is murdering female infants en masse, part of the class that is subjecting women to forced abortions ESPECIALLY if it is a female foetus. But they’re not killing male toddlers (well, not in the numbers that they’re killing female toddlers), they’re forcing the abortion of female foetuses, and of female toddlers. The estimates of “missing women and girls” range in the vicinity of around 100 MILLION. And whilst this estimate must include those adult females murdered by MEN one must wonder how many are forced sex based abortions and murder of female toddlers for being female. The estimates are commissioned by the UN. Not a group known as a bastion of radical feminism by any means. But heterosexual women want to paint lesbians as psychopathic whilst cuddling up to hubby.
Whilst I hate the term “hysteria” it seems apt here. But really it is “testeria” because the origin of this conspiracy theory painting lesbians as genocidal maniacs (when really it’s their precious men) is out of the desire to serve and please men. Patriarchy teaches heterosexual women that lesbians are “bad women” who aren’t “natural” and “maternal” like good heterosexual women. It is a burden placed on women by men to constantly ostracise lesbians from the community of women. Slandering lesbians and misrepresenting us as threats to children is a lesbian hating trope as old as the hills. Under patriarchy these women must be careful to distance themselves from the lesbian who refuses to submit to male ownership.
Looking at the women who continue this slander one will find that they are almost universally heterosexually partnered, often with children. So they are literally part of the nucleus of the patriarchy. Patriarchies building block is the heterosexual family unit. It is it’s epicentre from which all male power emanates. It is a males refuge, his nursery and his main area of personal support.
Patriarchy LITERALLY means “Rule of the Fathers”. This is why men put so many barriers around birth control and abortions. This is why women are heavily punished by male institutions for leaving their husbands after producing children. They know what one of the foundations of their power is even if male partnered women can’t handle the truth. If a heterosexual woman with children wants to find out about male power all she has to do is leave her husband, try it, see how you go.
Many genuinely aware, genuinely radical feminist het/bi single mothers can attest to the reality of men’s power in their lives and often live with a great deal of state backed male control and abuse for daring to break the patriarchal bond of the marriage. But then again the type of het/bi women who sneer at lesbians and tell lies about lesbians are often the SAME het/bi women who support attacks on single mothers and gently palm the halls of their tormentors.
When a heterosexual woman attacks lesbians for refusing to serve men she is serving the male class (often in fact responding to the subtle or overt manipulation of her male partner) and is performing her prescribed gender roles.
Attacking lesbians is central to the performance and submission to gender dictates. These women oppose transgenderism as they see the obvious extra burdens on women, not because they’re opposed to gender. The fight between often married or male partnered heterosexual women and transgenderists is a fight between two groups of genderists, it has nothing to do with radical feminism as these women also are chomping at the bit to attack lesbians who dare to speak against the their brand of genderism.
If one looks closely at these vomitoriums of barely suppressed lesbophobia you will often find that there is some offhand comment they let slip about their precious Nigel. They will often let slip some sarcastic reference to their Nigel being “evil” or “violent”. There we have it, their Nigel’s are offended and saddened by the mean lesbians not fucking and serving the class of men and not producing more of them.
They unknowingly show the source of their aggression towards lesbians – heterosexual males. Excuse me if I’m not surprised. And yet these women moan on and on about women who refuse to partner with men not trusting them and not taking them seriously as feminists. This is not new, many of the older generation remember “The Lavender Menace”. The male partnered feminists feverish assurances to men not to worry, they’ll still be reproducing the Patriarchal family unit. The rule of men is called Patriarchy for a reason, one cannot have Patriarchy if the men don’t become fathers by way of impregnating females. If this makes women partnered with men uncomfortable then all I can say is “Suck it up buttercup”. It’s your discomfort to deal with, it’s your cognitive dissonance to reconcile, not lesbians. Own your shit male partnered women, and stop coming after lesbians because I’ll give it to you straight, without lesbians you wouldn’t have the little you have now. You’d be forced to marry, have no vote, no abortion rights, no ability to work – you would have NONE of the rights you enjoy without lesbians working behind the scenes with a target on our backs (often put there by you). You would have nothing. Lesbians have always been the core of feminism, we are the engine room for theory and work, we are the backs on which the het/bi women stand to address the masses of women. You will feel our absence if we leave. Indeed the existence of part of the ladies auxiliary of the trans, the lesbian TIFS are testament to lesbians learning from male centred women how to be traitorous to the class of women. Look at the pasts of lesbian TIFS and you will find dozens of male partnered women chasing them out of the class of women, enforcing feminised submission, telling them they’re failed women, mocking them for not submitting to men, for resisting feminisation. They sat at your feet and learned all about hatred, male centredness and lesbian hating spite.
They listened to the jeers and saw you smirk at them and then decided that if THIS was a woman – a smirking, spiteful male centred handmaiden then they wanted no part of it. They heard your jeers calling them men and thought “Yep, that’s what I’ll be, I’ll curry favour with the male class not by serving them but by becoming one of them. A portion of the male class will accept me and see that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”. It is male centred women that sowed the seed for the hatred of women in the TIFs, often sowed by the male centred mother. The choice between freedom and servility, between the female centred and the male centred is an important one, and women lose every time the female chooses to uphold and support male power over women.
Female TIFS are just the male partnered, femininity enforcing female genderists chickens coming home to roost. And now all women have to deal with their misguided treachery in addition to the much larger, far more powerful psychopathy of the TIMS. They turned the tables on the femininity conforming conservative male partnered women.
Make no mistake, these “gender crits” are supporters of Patriarchy, not opponents. They just want to end the danger of the sociopathic transcult. If it were to disappear tomorrow they would not fight for women’s rights, they are only interested in their own comfort as Patriarchies pets, which, though understandable given the punishments for not submitting, makes them utterly unsuitable for leadership of any group of radical feminists as they have proved themselves without the insight and without the integrity to fully oppose men’s power over women.
I know that I am not the only Lesbian who is not just sick and tired of our erasure, but so enraged by it, I can barely sit here and write this. Just thinking about all of the ways we are being appropriated AND erased makes me want to fucking scream!
I keep reading in my various Facebook groups about how surprised women are that even though the L in LGBT is first, we are actually considered last and we have to adjust the most to what the GBT want. This isn’t shocking. I mean, gay men (as a class, don’t individualize this) don’t really like lesbians and they tend to run over us and do what they want without considering our thoughts, ideas, or feelings. Just look at a “gay magazine” and you will see that almost all of the people running and participating in that magazine are men. Go to any LGBT event and you will see the same.
Add to that the fact that “queer” no longer belongs to LGB people, it belong to heterosexuals who consider themselves quirky, different, maybe even deviants (a common stereotype for homosexuals). I’ve seen heterosexual couples claim to be non-binary and therefore queer. I’ve seen gender non-conforming men who wear makeup and dresses call themselves queer, instead of the obvious: cross-dressers. I’ve seen women who sometimes kiss their friends in order to make their boyfriends happy and horny call themselves queer. Queer used to be synonymous with homosexual, but after decades of torture and abuse under that term when it was a slur and decades when homosexuals re-claimed the word to take away its power, now the word has been taken away from us as straight people use it to seem cool and edgy. It’s fucking ridiculous.
Also, consider this: out of all of the financial resources obtained by the LGB(T)+ last year, only 2% were used for Lesbians. 2-fucking-%. Lesbians have “taken care of,” marched for, and stood by gay men for decades and this is how they repay our loyalty to the LGB? We have almost zero consideration and representation in gay organizations, publications, medical centers, etc. If gay men are not the ones that are taking over homosexual organizations, then you can bet that heterosexual men who call themselves women and therefore Lesbians are.
The onslaught of TIMs (trans identified males or trans “women”) telling us Lesbians that if we do not sleep with them and their penises (which almost all of them retain by the way, there aren’t a ton of surgeries going on out there), then that means we are bigots or transphobic or the slur, “TERF” (this is known as the “cotton ceiling”). It isn’t enough that these men continue to appropriate our language, our culture, and our lives. No, they are erasing Lesbians by calling themselves and their (bisexual or heterosexual female) girlfriends and wives Lesbians. These are heterosexual men, claiming to not only be women, but also Lesbians. They take up Lesbian spaces and use Lesbian resources. I was invited to a dance this past weekend and I couldn’t attend because of a snow storm that hit central Illinois. Not only was there a TIM in attendance, he was actually filming the whole room with his phone camera (probably in order to try to doxx the women – the Lesbians – there).
See, that’s the transgender stuff the mainstream doesn’t get to see. Most people in the mainstream don’t even know what the “cotton ceiling” is. They also have no idea how few TIMs actually have the surgeries for their penises to be inverted and turned into something that Frankenstein might call a vagina. Not that the surgeries could actually make a man into a woman, but in the PC world of liberal feminism, even if they do not have the surgeries, they are still considered (not seen as, considered) women, because feels, and can therefore call themselves Lesbians.
I’ve written about this before in Another Sister Lost to the Madness, but it breaks my heart how many young butch Lesbians we are losing to the trans cult as adult male transgenders (TIMs) talk our young sisters into believing that they are men because they appear masculine or they like to rebuild cars or they are not nurturing and do not want to have kids. Whatever the reason these men are talking young lesbians into transitioning and believing themselves to be men. Many are de-transitioning, but too many of them are buying what the TIMs are selling.
This are also, of course, older Lesbians who mistakenly think they are men and transition later in life. A lot of these butches are deluded into thinking they are men by heterosexual women posing as femme Lesbians who do not want to date men. Well, they do not wish to date Lesbians either, but if their girlfriend is called a boyfriend and if that boyfriend thinks and behaves as a male sexually, then those “femme Lesbians” get the best of both worlds without having to actually be Lesbians; because once they partner with a TIF – trans identified female or trans “man,” they can call themselves straight again, like magic.
See, transgenders like to build themselves as being non gender-conforming or non-binary. They claim to be bucking gender and all of the sexist stereotypes that it comprises. The opposite is the truth here. Transgenders adhere very strictly to the sexist stereotypes that make up gender. They believe strongly that if a boy likes pink, Barbie dolls, and dresses, then he must be a girl; and that if a girl likes blue, trucks, and “boy” haircuts and clothes, then they must be a boy. Somehow, over the course of a couple of decades (since the free flowing 70s), this society has become entrenched in rigid, sexist norms for girls/women and boys/men. If anyone deviates from those rigid norms, then they are considered to be the opposite sex.
This is especially true if one believes that one or one’s child is a homosexual. Transitioning is the new gay conversion therapy. Parents would much rather have a child pretending to be the opposite sex than a homosexual child. Hell, even in some countries, it is illegal to be gay but perfectly legal to be transgender. It doesn’t even seem to bother these parents that they are pumping their kids full of poisons, in the form of puberty blockers, and later hormones of the opposite sex. As long as their kid isn’t gay….
These are just two facets that comprise the erasure of Lesbians, not just in the US, but worldwide. Don’t forget about heterosexual women and men. I touched a little on how heterosexuals have appropriated Lesbian and gay culture and how they have erased us from the new meaning of the word queer. But they erase us in other ways as well. Take heterosexual (I include bisexual women here as well) women, for instance. Heterosexual women, even – or especially – in radical feminist groups on Facebook, are notorious for not just being bad allies, but down right hating Lesbians and wanting nothing to do with us.
It happens a lot on Facebook, this Lesbophobia from heterosexual women, even radical feminists. It’s especially bothersome to be coming from radical feminists because we are all supposed to be sisters fighting together for the liberation of all women, but Lesbians are so underrepresented in that arena as well. Even though Lesbians have played integral parts, throughout history, in helping women to move forward in a world that would hold us back, we are still considered by most heterosexual women to be the man-hating Lavender Menace. We are threatening to heterosexual women because we don’t need men in or out of the bedroom. A lot of Lesbians, me included, are even separatists. Even in societies where that is near impossible, Lesbians try to carve out space just for women and Lesbians and do their best to avoid contact with men. This, too, is somehow threatening to heterosexual women, as they accuse us of hating and excluding their Nigels and Nigel Jrs. from events that should be female only. We are accused of hating the “nice guys,” the ones who are feminist allies, even though that is so rare, it is laughable to even suggest it. It is these lesbophobic women who try to erase Lesbians from radical feminism, for it is these women who are still centering men.
Speaking of men: of course heterosexual men want to fuck feminine looking Lesbians and beat, rape, &/or kill gender non-conforming or butch Lesbians, like me. Those men that don’t call themselves women and Lesbians, that is, they are a different threat. But it is not just butch Lesbians that heterosexual men was to suffer and die. So many Lesbians each year are dying by the hands of men, some of these men are even family members. Male violence against Lesbians is a real and horrific thing. They want to erase us for one simple reason: we do not need or want them in our lives.
Lesbian erasure is ramping up all over the world. Lesbians everywhere are in real physical danger from men, they are not always supported by heterosexual women, they are talked into thinking they are men, their lives and culture are appropriated, and they are forced into having sex with men claiming to be women and Lesbians. Something drastic needs to happen to stop all of this.
Lesbians like me are trying to make ourselves more visible to Lesbians who think that transitioning is what they are supposed to do. Showing them that there are many types of women and that all of us *are* women, no matter what we do or what we wear. That we can accept our bodies and live happy, healthy lives. We are also making ourselves know in radical feminist circles, trying to show our straight sisters that while we don’t need or want men around us, we are still right there, side-by-side, fighting with and for them. We are trying to make atrocities against Lesbians more visible, since the mainstream and even LGB press do not care to cover our murders. We are especially trying to talk more about Lesbian erasure so that more Lesbians can hear us and come forward to help, not just to stop the erasure of us, but to reverse it and bring Lesbians to the forefront. Showing society that it doesn’t need to fear us, that it can and should, once and for all, embrace and celebrate Lesbians everywhere.
Here’s the thing. People who have no support for their argument deflect in an effort to keep you from realizing they have no valid argument. It’s very common and even more so on-line where people feel incredibly and increasingly confident in arguing for or against something of which they know very little. When they are backed into a corner, they lash out and deflect.
We women see it all the time. Transgenders have created words that are then used as slurs in an effort to deflect and silence. Say that a transwoman isn’t a woman and we are called bigots and transphobes; or the made up words, “cissexist” or “transmisogynist.” Admit that we are not trans and we become cis scum. Hell, I don’t even have to do either of those things, all I have to do is write about lesbophobia and I become an “exterminatist.”
The deflections happen all the time. A woman puts forth the very logical notion of biology 101 and states that a male can never become a female or vice versa and the first thing she hears is “Bigot!” and/or “Transphobe!” Those are deflections. Using those words in an effort to silence and shame the woman putting forth her own opinions and ideas when there is no real argument against what she is saying.
There is also the classic, “well what about intersex people?!?!” This is, of course, a red herring. Talking about gender and biology and saying that females are females and males are males when suddenly someone screams about intersex people. That is bringing up something that had nothing to do with the topic at hand. Intersex people are not transgender, so to bring them up when speaking about transgenderism is a way to deflect the conversation.
As for my being called an “exterminatist,” that is a special kind of deflection and it happens all the time when women like me speak up about the problems surrounding transgenderism. It’s called a strawman argument and it is when my words, thoughts, and ideas are misrepresented, then exaggerated and put forth as real.
Take, for instance, the female transgender who re-blogged my “Let’s Talk About Lesbophobia” post and commented with:
“How do you reason with someone who believes that mtf women transition just to victimize other women, and ftm men transition because of internalized misogyny and to obtain male privilege?”
Now, anyone who has read “Let’s Talk About Lesbophobia” or any of my blog posts would know that the above assertion is a complete fabrication. Not only did I not say those things in my lesbophobia post, I haven’t said any of those things in any of my posts. But instead of arguing against my lesbophobia post, hell, instead of actually reading my lesbophobia post, this person decided to just put forth some extreme statements and incorrectly attribute them to me in an effort to discredit and silence me, as well as deflect from the fact that they had no valid argument.
Going back to the “exterminatist” comment, since I have never said anything about wanting to exterminate transgenders and have, in fact stated the opposite (that I support laws that protect all people from discrimination and violence), then the person who called me that was clearly deflecting by misrepresenting my thoughts and views and painting me as someone who wants other people dead.
An even better example of a strawman argument would be from this blog: “Radical Feminism is a Danger to Women.”
When I first read this blog post, I thought this person was transgender. They were so passionate on speaking about transgenderism and what it’s like to be transgender, that the logical conclusion was that they themselves were trans. But when I looked at some other posts, I saw that they describe themselves as a “cisgendered lesbian,” which we all know is just the convoluted way of saying “lesbian.”
This person not only acts like they are an authority on everything trans related, they also claim to be an authority on radical feminists, or radfems; except they got everything about radfems wrong. I am pretty sure it was intentional and done with malice; trying to deflect and hide the fact that this person has no real argument against radfems except to say, “omg they’re SO bad!11!!”
Radfems don’t hate men. They put women first. Notice the distinction? Radfems are not so rooted in males and male supremacy that everything needs to be framed according to men. The framing is around women. Women, women’s issues, women’s health, women’s safety: all top priorities for radfems. Radfems also don’t want to oppress men. This, again, frames things around men. What radfems really want is to liberate women and deconstruct the patriarchy. Again, see the distinction? It isn’t about men, it is about women. Putting forth the idea that radfems center everything around men is a deflection, a strawman argument. Not to mention how derailing the title of the blog post is; since radfems put women first, they cannot and are not a “danger to women.”
So Rayne, in an effort to shame and silence radfems while also discrediting them, created this very long post that has fallacy after fallacy after fallacy because they could not come up with an actual argument against radical feminism, which is, simply: to liberate women. I mean, seriously, regardless of your politics, your class, your race, your sexual orientation, etc., how can you argue with that?
Rayne could not; and it was easier to just make stuff up and pass it off as truth like they worked for Fox news or something. Of course, Rayne also deflected when arguing with @TerriStrange about male violence. Rayne wanted to frame it as violence against women while Terri wanted to frame it as male violence. Calling it violence against women puts everything on women when it comes to the violence done against them; but framing it as male violence puts the responsibility where it belongs: on men.
Instead of an actual argument against saying one over the other, Rayne decided to deflect the conversation by insinuating that lesbian on lesbian violence was so prevalent that to call male violence what it is (male violence) is to make domestic violence between women invisible. But when the vast majority of violence against women, against homosexuals, against children, and yes, against transgenders and transsexuals is perpetrated by men, calling it male violence is not only appropriate, it is necessary to keep the focus where it belongs.
Using a small percentage of male rape victims (most of whom are raped by other men, btw) and a small percentage of woman on woman violence to deflect from the very real and credible threat against women (men) is what the patriarchy wants. Like it is saying, here, keep looking at what my left hand is doing while my right hand kills off your sisters systematically.
Deflection. Don’t let it derail you from the very valid points you are making, dear reader. Remember: the next time you are having a discussion or an argument with a transgender or a trans ally (who also claims to be a feminist) and they deflect by using a strawman argument, violent threats and name calling, a red herring, or any other tactic, don’t get sucked into their derail. Walk away.
We have a long road and a hard fight ahead of us, so save your sanity. Walk away.
The word is considered a joke by many and is never really taken seriously. Why? Because (a) it concerns women and (b) it concerns women who have no need or desire for men, or their penises. I see a lot of people throw around words like bigot, homophobia, misogyny, and transphobia. Sometimes these words are being used correctly and there is some hatred going on where the words are being used. But most of the time, these words are being used as a silencing tactic to keep some women from speaking critically about things like transgenderism, the patriarchy, rape culture, misogyny, etc. Moreover, lesbophobia is rarely used and when it is, it is never taken seriously. So let’s talk about it for a minute because as much as men (including male transgenders) try to dismiss it and laugh it off, this is a real thing and it is silencing, harming, and even killing lesbians.
The responses to my post, “Another Sister Lost to the Madness” have been interesting for a variety of reasons. First, I need to make note that a LOT of misconceptions about me and my writing have surfaced; and while they didn’t start with this particular post, seeing the discussions and claims surrounding me and my intentions with this specific post are at the forefront of my mind tonight. I have seen people misread what I say, misrepresent what I write, and even claim that I am someone they know under another name. I will address these things in another post because, while they are important to discuss, what I discovered as I started writing this is that I have something else to talk about first.
I have noticed that with all of the comments, complaints, and down right trolling over my “Another Sister Lost to the Madness” post, for once, not ONE male transgender has commented, been upset about, or otherwise had any kind of reaction to one of my posts. Interesting, yes? This is important to notice and call out because it says something to me and it should say a lot to women everywhere, including those who wish to transition into some facsimile of a “man.” These men don’t care one iota about women, women’s rights, women’s needs, etc. Since that post was about female transgenders and not male transgenders, the men didn’t so much as peep about it, because they are narcissists who only care about themselves and their needs, which means, sisters, that THEY DON’T CARE ABOUT WOMEN.
You should note that when I make a post about male transgenders, women come out to support them; straight women, bisexual women, female transgenders, even some misguided lesbians, all kinds of women come out in support of these poor, helpless men who just want to live their lives as “women.” Women support these men. Women stand up for these men. Women fight for these men. But when a post pops up that doesn’t directly concern them and instead focuses on female transgenders, where are the men? Oh yeah. They are over there –> trying to figure out how to make the “cotton ceiling” sound like a good thing so lesbians will finally have hot “lesbian” sex with them without pointing out how the whole idea just adds to the rape culture of our society that women have to deal with every single day.
The same thing happens in the gay community. Lesbians have gone out of our way to be supportive of, stand up with, and fight for our gay brothers. We were there at the Stonewall Riots. We were there during all of the AIDS walks and AIDS awareness projects. We have been there with them, side-by-side through every crisis, every equal rights march, every bashing, every death. But we and our wants, needs, rights, etc. are often ignored by gay men. If it’s not about them and their lives (read: penises), they don’t want to hear about it, much less be bothered to stand with us and fight for it.
When the world at large says the word, “gay,” they are almost always talking about men. When the media talks about gay slurs, you never hear them talking about the words “dyke” or “bulldyke,” only about the words “fag” or “faggot.” Whenever discussing gay rights, it is almost always about men, unless of course, they can parade an old lesbian couple around for the “cuteness” manipulation effect. When you read a gay magazine, there is almost always nothing about lesbians in it, unless it is making fun of us. Hell, when you check the inside cover to see who works at the magazine, the list is almost, if not all male, so is it any wonder they have no clue what it is like to be a lesbian today?
Unless it directly affects them and their lives (penises), men couldn’t care less about not just women, but especially lesbians. So it wasn’t really a shock for me to open up my email and see comment after comment made by “male identified butches” and female transgenders who were unhappy with (and mostly misreading) my post. By the way, as a side note, I even got some mail about trans butches. There is no such thing. You’re either trans or you’re butch but you don’t get to be both. Pick one and move on with your life and stop co-opting another person’s identity.
But does any of the above clue you in, dear sister readers? Do you ever wonder where the men are when it is time to discuss rape and rape culture (and note here that I am talking about men in the plural, as in the men of this male-dominated society; not one specific man)? Do you ever wonder where the men are when a lesbian or lesbian couple are bashed, raped, even killed? Do you ever wonder why popular culture focuses so heavily on gay men and if they decide to focus on a lesbian, she needs to be feminized so she doesn’t offend the male viewers? Do you ever notice that the gay magazines rarely cover anything relevant to you? Or how about the gay bars; ever wonder why they are so heavy with gay men and their hags and never really care about whether or not the lesbians even show up to have a drink there?
If you have never wondered about any of the above, I challenge you to do so now. Think about it. Think about all of the times lesbians have been pushed aside in this society as an anomaly or as women who just need a good man or some “good dick” to become better or “real” women. Think about all the slurs we endure day-in and day-out that no one even bats an eye at because they are so accepted. Think about all the times one of our sisters is bashed, raped, and/or killed and it barely makes a blip on the gay media, let alone the main stream media. Think about all the times your opinions and ideas are dismissed by both the gay and straight communities, only for you to find out later when a man or straight person has the same idea, and it is applauded.
While we are at it, we could be discussing why some of those angry female transgenders aren’t thinking about how dismissed they are. We keep hearing about male transgenders getting caught, literally, with their pants down in women’s restrooms, dressing rooms, showers, etc., and all anyone seems to care about are the poor men who just want to use the lady’s restroom and damn the women who don’t want to be in a close, private space, in the nude, with a naked man. But what about all of the female transgenders who get booted out of the male restrooms or worse, get the shit kicked out of them for daring to both look masculine and be in the men’s restroom? You don’t hear about female transgenders demanding to have their naked bodies in the men’s dressing room or shower with other men because hell, they are just one of the guys. True, this has more to do with male privilege than lesbophobia, it has to do with men feeling like they own every single space and are entitled to everything they can see; but it is all rooted in the same pile of bullshit: the patriarchy.
It all boils down to this: we lesbians are dismissed, we are ignored, we are laughed at and not taken seriously, we are even bashed, raped, and killed. Why? Because we all dare to be women who do not need or want men or their penises and that, sisters, is one of the most dangerous ways to live.
It’s time for women to start standing up for women.
The definition of lesbian has been and always will be the romantic and sexual attraction between 2 females. There never has been nor will there ever be a penis in a lesbian relationship.
You can put the penis under a pair of panties and/or under a skirt or a dress. You can even try to convince the ignorant and those without the capacity to think critically that the penis is a female sex organ; but the fact will remain that it is a penis attached to a male body and neither belong in a lesbian relationship.
Shaming, guilting, and/or intimidating lesbians into accepting the penis as a part of their sex life is sexist, misogynistic, and could even be considered sexual assault. Dare I say, some might even consider that action to be lesbophobic.
Lesbians do not want to have sex with males and their penises, that is the very definition of what it is to be a lesbian; and no amount of rhetoric, no amount of screaming about transphobia, no amount of coercion will ever change that fact.
Memoirs of a Butch Lesbian
radical feminism - female liberation from male domination.
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our voices matter
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