“Lesbians” Who Aren’t Really Lesbians At All

I saw this blog the other day with a video in it that had women who identify as lesbians saying they have sex with men, but still consider themselves lesbians. I really thought that was the stupidest thing I have seen on these interwebs for a very long time until I saw the corresponding Facebook post linking the video and read the comments from all of the, well, I was going to say LGBT and queer folks, but I have a sneaky suspicion that there were a few straight folks in there chiming in as well.

This has to be one of the most insane notions to hit the LGB community and we all know exactly where it’s really coming from here: men. The patriarchy.

Men have been trying to break in to the lesbian communities ever since there have been men and women who don’t want them. Porn, movies, and TV shows have been built around the premise that all lesbians really need is some good dick, that all lesbians secretly really want dick, but they can’t get it, etc. It’s a notion built by men who cannot even fathom for one second that women could live, love, and have sex without them.

Several of the comments talked about how sex is fluid and all labels suck. Have you ever noticed how people who say they hate labels actually have 10,000 labels to describe themselves? And sexuality is fluid? Come on! Bisexuals have been saying that for years; no one bought it then and no one is buying it now. Sexual fluidity is a myth. It’s something people say when they want to be cool or edgy or are so confused about what they want, they can’t land on any one thing.

And labels only “suck” to those who want to fit into one label but can’t so they either grab a whole bunch of other labels, they try to dismantle the label they want and can’t fit into, or they cry about how bad labels are in the hopes that no one will notice they are trying to cram themselves into something that just doesn’t fit. If they can’t have that label, then no one should have it. It’s the logic of a 3 year old child.

It all really comes down to men. Since the patriarchy can’t seem to change lesbians and since we are becoming more mainstream with more acceptance, the only thing left is to destroy our ID from the inside out by having women who are actually bisexual claim to be lesbians and to have straight men pretend to be women and then pretend to be lesbians on top of that.

It’s the same line of thinking that created the “cotton ceiling,” which calls any lesbian who refuses to have sex with a male claiming to be a woman a bigot because lesbians don’t want to have intimate and sexual relations with men.

That’s what this really boils down to: lesbians are women who have intimate emotional and sexual relationships with other women. Men did not, do not, and will not ever fit into that equation. The thing that most trans and trans apologists get confused about is this isn’t just about genitals, this is about two women connecting in an emotional, sexual, and spiritual way that not only doesn’t include or even require men, men couldn’t even grasp the concept.

To men, it IS all about genitals and about who is having sex with whom. That’s why when trans women started screaming about the “cotton ceiling” and how lesbians who won’t sleep with them and their penises are bigots, all they cared about was the act of fucking. It wasn’t about love, emotions, feelings, etc., just about who we will and will not fuck.

The women in the video and a few of the comments even mentioned how lesbians can be women who love other women but still have sex with men because sex doesn’t matter. This comes back to the male notion that everything is based on sexual intercourse and nothing else. Saying something like the above is akin to cheating on your partner and saying that you didn’t care about the person at all, it was just sex. Well, that’s still cheating and having sex with men still makes you either bisexual or straight.

One woman even phrased bisexuality as being a person who loves both sexes equally and since these women loved women more than men, then they were lesbians. As if there is some sort of scale that measures how much you love one or the other sex or something.

Women who love and have relationships and sex with men are straight. Women who love and have relationships and sex with women are lesbians. Women who love and have relationships and sex with both sexes are bisexuals. Period. End of story. Exit stage left. Close the curtains. Queue the fat lady. The end.

7 comments on ““Lesbians” Who Aren’t Really Lesbians At All

  1. alexkellyoc says:

    I really support your opinion on men, trying to enter the L world especially in porn and all sorts of entertainment there is. I personally watch porn (even have a fave porn star but that’s another topic) and it’s quite rare to find a girl on girl action that is as closest possible to the “real act” and the reason for it is that most of the viewers are males so even though there are websites for women only, you can still sense the “masculine element” in it.

    I believe that there’s not 100% straight, nor 100% gay. For me, there’s this one person that make you question your sexuality more or less. Those women you mention, I personally classify them as “something close to bisexual” since they want both males and females in their beds but can go only for one of them in terms of relationship.

    Bisexuality (as a bisexual speaking) is something else-you fall in love and want to be with the person and just because some may have a preference for one of the sexes, doesn’t mean they’re less bisexual. I am more into women but if there’s a great guy out there and if I am single, I’d give him a chance and see where it’d lead. And I am glad you pretty much state what bisexuality in fact is

    Great post 🙂


  2. Pat.M says:

    Reblogged this on: lesbiancaucus.com
    Very succinct and extremely well put. More power to you.


  3. […] This is a first class piece of writing about faux lesbians. Get the full story here. […]


  4. Bev Jo says:

    This is excellent. I remember being horrified in the mid-Eighties when suddenly there were three “Lesbian” sex books by three bisexuals pretending to be Lesbians: JoAnn Loulan, Pat Califia, and Susie Bright. I and Linda Strega did a review of Loulan’s “Lesbian Sex” (printed in Lesbian Ethics) where we said that by her own definition of Lesbian (“some Lesbians have wonderful sexual relations with men”), she was a bisexual and attempting to define us out of existence. She was furious, but a few years later appeared on major network television with her boyfriend who she’d kept a secred for years — because she got her money from the Lesbian community with her pornographic, sado-masochistic books, sex workshops at Michigan, etc.

    Yes, the same old crap of men demanding access to us, and women wanting het privilege while getting access to Lesbian love and community.

    Brilliant about those who don’t like labels revelling in this. My post, Censored from Butch Voices, at GenderTrender was just criticized by a woman who said she doesn’t like the term “Butch” and chastized me for being into labels!


  5. And sexuality is fluid? Come on! Bisexuals have been saying that for years; no one bought it then and no one is buying it now. Sexual fluidity is a myth.
    as far as I know this was also a conclusion of Kinsey’s work and today is still the majority opinion in research.

    It’s something people say when they want to be cool or edgy or are so confused about what they want, they can’t land on any one thing.
    since when is academia or academic research an occasion to be “cool” or “edgy”?

    As if there is some sort of scale that measures how much you love one or the other sex or something
    Try search “Kinsey scale” maybe?


  6. BigBooButch says:

    Wow! You are really dusting the cobwebs off of the really really old and obsolete theories!

    Unfortunately though, not only are you incorrect about Kinsey, who talked of a continuum and not sexual fluidity, you are also way way off base as far as the “majority opinion and research.” Majority opinion these days is that Kinsey’s research was too narrowly focused and didn’t take enough into account. Not to mention, of course, that his scale was silly.

    As a matter of fact, the only people who still even care about Kinsey and his scale, aside from people in psychology classes studying about these theories in general, are people new to discovering their sexuality who find it to be a novelty and, of course, bisexuals.


  7. Im Bisexual and I prefer woman. With that being said, I have a boyfriend. In my experience. The stereotype that bisexuals cant make up their mind is semi true. When we love someone, it doesn’t matter whats in their crouch. But… sometimes we prefer men over women, women over men. Sometimes the bisexual community is shaky. I mean there’s no sex separated bisexual communities like there is for gay and lesbians. Some are proxy heterosexuals due to avoiding homophobia,etc,


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